Generous couples have happier marriages: Study

By Dr. Ananya Mandal, MDDec 11 2011

A new study says that generosity between couples could mean that they would have a happy marriage. In essence, generosity is the amount of giving that goes on within a relationship, which can mean anything from making each other a cup of coffee, or ordering flowers.

The study shows that couples who reported a high amount of generosity in their relationship were five times more likely to say their marriage was “very happy,” compared with those who reported a low amount of generosity. All couples in the report had children. The study, part of the National Marriage Project, surveyed 2,870 married people between the ages of 18 and 46.

Fifty percent of women and 46 percent of men who reported above-average generosity in their relationships described their marriages as “very happy.” On the other hand, just 14 percent of each sex with below-average generosity in their relationship described their marriage as “very happy.”

When a person is generous to his or her spouse, “The underlying message is, you're valuable, you're important,” said Dr. Anthony Castro, an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University Of Miami Miller School Of Medicine, who was not involved in the study.

Researchers also found that married men and women who reported above-average sexual satisfaction in their relationship were 10 to 13 times more likely to describe their marriage as “very happy,” compared with those who reported below average sexual satisfaction.

But factors such as generosity may make sex better, according to the study. Couples who reported high levels of generosity, commitment and quality time together also reported high levels of sexual satisfaction. And wives were more likely to be sexually satisfied if they shared household chores with their husbands.

“Parents experience a significant decline after the arrival of their first child, whereas non-parents experience a more gradual decline in marital quality,” the writers said. But it found that parents, especially wives - are more likely to feel their life has an important purpose than non-parents. And the happiest couples are at two ends of the spectrum - those with no kids and those with four kids or more. Additionally it was found that higher income does not make for happier couples, but it does make couples less inclined to divorce.

Study researcher W. Bradford Wilcox, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Virginia says, “What happens outside of the bedroom seems to matter a great deal in predicting how happy husbands and wives are with what happens in the bedroom.”

Based on the responses, the researchers compiled a list of the top five predictors of a very happy marriage. For men and women, sexual satisfaction ranked first, followed by level of commitment (a sense of “we-ness”), generosity and a positive attitude toward raising children. For women, the fifth factor was above-average social support from friends and family, and for men, the fifth factor was spirituality within a marriage.

“Every individual situation is different," Castro said. For instance, a couple may find themselves falling into the 14 percent of couples who are very happy without a high level of generosity. Each specific relationship needs to be thought about individually, depending on both individual and partners' needs,” Castro said.

The new study was conducted in partnership with the Center for Marriage and Families at the Institute for American Values, a nonprofit organization whose mission is to increase the proportion of U.S. children growing up with their two married parents.