Shame and blame stops women leaving violent men

Researchers in New Zealand say shame and self-blame often stop women leaving violent relationships and campaigns advocating choice and empowerment aimed at prompting abused women to leave their abusers may in some cases have the opposite effect.

Sociologist Dr. Angela Jury from Massey University conducted a study for her PhD on the nature of shame in violent relationships in order to understand how and why some women reach and remain in a state of trapped inertia where they are subjected to often life-threatening abuse.

Dr. Jury says abused women - especially victims of psychological and emotional torment - are often so paralysed by what they see as the stigma and shame associated with their situation that they are unable to seek help and she believes agencies working with such women need a better understanding of their situation.

Dr. Jury says the profound shame the victims feel not only deters them from seeking help, but can be reinforced by educational and promotional messages aimed at trying to help them by unintentionally reinforcing a shame/blame ethos through the language they use in their education.

Dr. Jury does not suggest educational campaigns against domestic violence and other forms of abuse should not be mounted but she believes agencies must be wary of implicitly reinforcing a shame/blame ethos through the language they use in their campaigns.

Her research involved interviews with 25 survivors of intimate partner abuse and the women provided harrowing, graphic insights into the devastating effects of abuse on a woman's sense of self and how it erodes any impetus for self-preservation.

Dr. Jury says her research was focused on finding an explanation for why some women were able to remove themselves from the experience of abuse and maintain lives free from violence, whereas others appeared unable to do so - often remaining with abusive partners for extended periods of time or eventually leaving, only to find themselves once more involved in violent relationships.

She says it is most clearly illustrated in the use of language around choice and freedom in advice offered to abused women - such as 'you don't have to live like this', 'you can leave', 'there is help available' - all of these, while probably selected as terms offering empowerment to victims , can also suggest a sense of weakness on the part of victims... thus creating a sense of shame and self-blame.

Dr. Jury believes the focus needs to shift away from the victim in dealing with abuse and violence - she says it should not be the victim's responsibility to decide she wants the violence to stop and not being able to do so should not be seen as the victim's shameful failure.

Dr Jury's prior experience as a volunteer at a women's refuge exposed her to the traumatising effects of violence on the women but she says she was unprepared for the emotional impact of hearing the detailed stories of psychological and physical torment.

She has included in her PhD thesis an account of how her emotional responses altered the direction of her study, prompting her to explore the role of shame in abusive relationships more deeply .

She says the study highlights the need for a multi-layered approach including law and law enforcement, support and education for victims, perpetrators and their children, and continued patience on the part of helping agencies.

Dr. Jury says underlying all this, an ideological shift away from burdening abuse victims with the responsibility of choosing to end the abuse is needed.

Dr. Jury currently works as the Whanganui family violence case management coordinator, developing collaborative case management systems in consultation with local community groups.