Hi Kay,
One of my earliest childhood memories almost mirrors yours! I had to be around 3 or 4, my dad was also an alcoholic and my parents would fight when he drank and I remember my mom would take me and my sister and brother (the youngest 3 of the 10 children) and flea in the middle of the night! We slept in church stairwells, park benches etc till my dad left for work the next day. They eventually divorced but life never really got easier. I am in my early 50"s now and life holds no joy! And for intents and purpose it really should. I was recently diagnosed with breast cancer for a second time and the sad part was I wasn't as upset as I should have been, it's as if I was like ok I'm done anyway. Well it's not terminal so I guess I have more time to try and figure out of I will ever truly be happy on this lifetime ❤️