Autistic adults describe mental strain of nonverbal communication

Imagine having a conversation where every gesture and glance feels like a test. You're juggling eye contact, facial expressions, and tone of voice, all while trying to keep up with the words. You might miss something, or someone might misread you. 

In a new study, published in PLOS One, autistic adults describe the intense mental effort it takes to navigate nonverbal communication (NVC). 

Researchers reviewed 362 firsthand accounts on the online forum WrongPlanet.net, where autistic adults openly talk about communication challenges. They focused on posts about nonverbal communication - like eye contact, tone of voice, gestures, and facial expressions - and reviewed 26 discussion threads to better understand from autistic adults what it is like to communicate in daily life. 

From interpreting facial expressions to regulating their own body language, many said it felt like trying to decode a complex, unwritten language in real time.

One participant reported that speaking while also monitoring eye contact and gestures felt like "just too much going on", while another wrote about their dislike for nonverbal cues as they are "too open to misinterpretation" and they wished "that people would just say what they have to say, and not leave so much unspoken."

They found it takes autistic adults more time and mental effort to process body language and other nonverbal signals. A smile or shift in tone doesn't always register right away or may have non-literal meaning, and the effort to "perform" the expected body language can be overwhelming. 

These challenges often lead to misunderstandings, not just from the autistic person's side, but also from those around them. This mutual disconnect, known as the Double Empathy Problem, can contribute to social anxiety and misunderstandings, and even reduce quality of life for autistic adults. Many participants described being misread, unfairly judged, ignored, or treated as untrustworthy simply because their nonverbal cues didn't match expectations.

To cope, some autistic people try to mimic non-autistic behaviour by studying gestures, taking acting classes, or copying characters from TV. Others prefer to communicate in writing, where the pressure of body language disappears. And many find strength in authenticity, choosing to embrace their natural communication style rather than forcing themselves to "pass" as a non-autistic or neurotypical person, which was seen as unrealistic in most cases anyway.

The team behind the research was made up of both autistic and non-autistic experts, including PhD researcher Holly Radford from the University of Portsmouth's School of Psychology, Sport and Health Sciences. Ms. Radford's own experiences as an autistic person helped shape the study's approach. 

She explained: "Our study confirms what many autistic adults know intimately - that nonverbal communication can feel like decoding a complex, unwritten language in real time. As both a researcher and an autistic person, I hope this work helps people understand the genuine effort involved in these daily interactions."

Co-authors include autistic researcher Dr. Steven Kapp, also from the University of Portsmouth, as well as Bronte Reidinger from Rowan University in the US and Dr Ashley de Marchena from Drexel University. Both brought personal connections and long-standing interest in autism to the collaboration. 

Their partnership was formed through the Academic Autism Spectrum Partnership in Research and Education (AASPIRE), a network dedicated to inclusive autism research. Dr. de Marchena said: "NVC is a core, defining feature of autism, yet very few labs study it in adults. When I met Steven through AASPIRE, and learned that he might be interested in a collaboration, I felt like I had won the lottery! Discussing our findings with Holly and Steven - two autistic scholars who live the experiences our participants were describing every day - was one of the most valuable experiences of my professional career."

This research challenges the one-sided view that communication difficulties are solely an issue for autistic people. The Double Empathy Problem shows us that misunderstandings happen in both directions - non-autistic people also struggle to understand autistic communication styles.

What we also found in the forum discussions is that autistic adults are incredibly insightful about their own experiences and many have developed creative strategies to navigate a world that wasn't designed with their communication needs in mind. Rather than expecting only autistic people to constantly adapt, there is a need for everyone to create more inclusive communication environments."

Dr. Steven Kapp, University of Portsmouth

This study offers clear advice for anyone who wants to communicate more effectively with autistic friends, family members, students, coworkers and patients. This includes checking how someone prefers to communicate, allowing more time to process responses, avoiding assumptions based on body language, and being open to written or direct communication when that works best.

The team hopes their work will lead to better, more inclusive communication. 

"By making space for different communication styles, we can reduce miscommunication, support mental health, and build stronger, more respectful connections for everyone", added Ms Reidinger. 

"The strategies autistic adults have developed, from preferring written communication to being more direct in their expressions, have important implications for fostering inclusive social interactions in contexts such as healthcare, education, and dating."

Advice on communicating with autistic people:

Be patient: Give extra time for someone to respond or process what you're saying. Don't rush or interrupt as autistic people may need a moment to interpret nonverbal cues. Give people time to finish their thoughts, even if they are not sending signals that they are still thinking.

Use clear language: Supplement body language with words. Ask questions to confirm understanding instead of assuming. For example, say "I'm happy" if your face is blank, or ask "Did you understand what I meant?" to avoid confusion.

Learn preferences: Some autistic individuals prefer written or very direct communication. Whenever possible, ask what works best (e.g. chat or text instead of face-to-face, or specific gestures that are meaningful).

Check assumptions: Don't make assumptions about what an autistic person is thinking or feeling based on their facial expressions or body language, and don't assume that an autistic person can interpret your non-verbal cues without clarification.

Encourage authenticity: Don't pressure someone to act more like a neurotypical person by forcing eye contact or constant smiling if it isn't natural. In the study, contributors valued being genuine over "performing" inauthentic nonverbal cues.