Attachment insecurity and materialism drive phubbing in relationships

New research reveals how attachment insecurity and materialistic values fuel 'phubbing' in romantic relationships.

Constantly checking your phone during conversations with a partner - a behavior known as phubbing - may be less about bad manners and more about deeper psychological needs.

New research led by the University of Southampton, the Vinzenz Pallotti University and Ruhr University Bochum in Germany has examined why our phones come between us, even when we don't mean them to.

The study, published in Behavioral Sciences, shows that people who feel insecure in close relationships are more likely to engage in phubbing or feel hurt by it - particularly when they also place a high value on material success, status, and external validation.

Phubbing, short for 'phone snubbing', refers to ignoring someone you are with in favour of your smartphone. While often dismissed as a modern habit or social faux pas, the research suggests it can be driven by attachment-related anxieties and seeking reassurance, attention and self-worth.

The researchers surveyed over 200 adults in romantic relationships, measuring their attachment styles, materialistic values, and both 'enacted phubbing' (how much they phub their partner) and 'perceived phubbing' (how much they feel phubbed).

They found that, for some people, phones are a source of reassurance, status, or distraction from uncomfortable emotions - even at the cost of face-to-face connection.

The results showed:

• People high in attachment anxiety, who fear rejection or abandonment, are more likely both to phub their partner and to feel hurt by their partner's phone use.
• People high in attachment avoidance, who are uncomfortable with closeness, - are especially likely to perceive phubbing, even if they do not directly engage in it themselves.
• Materialism acts as a psychological bridge. People who place greater importance on possessions, status and external symbols of success are more likely to translate attachment insecurity into phone-focused behaviour.

Study co-author Dr Claire Hart, Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Southampton, said: "Phubbing isn't just about screen time or poor etiquette. For many people, it reflects deeper concerns about security, self-worth, and where attention and value are coming from."

Why materialism matters

The study demonstrates for the first time that materialistic values help explain why attachment insecurity leads to phubbing.

Smartphones offer constant access to social comparison, validation and symbolic 'value', from messages and likes to curated online identities.

For people who feel uncertain in relationships, this can make the phone especially hard to put down.

"Materialism amplifies the pull of the phone," explained Dr Hart. "If self-worth is tied to external symbols or validation, digital engagement can start to compete with, or even replace, real-world connection."

Implications for relationships and digital wellbeing

The findings suggest that tackling phubbing in relationships may require more than simply telling people to use their phones less.

Instead, the researchers argue, interventions should focus on strengthening relationship security, reducing reliance on external validationand helping people reflect on the values that drive their digital habits.

Dr Hart said: "Taking this approach could be especially valuable in relationship counselling, digital wellbeing initiatives, and conversations between couples about technology and intimacy."

The research builds on Dr Hart's previous work that examined people's emotional responses to phubbing. She added: "Understanding why people reach for their phones helps us move beyond blame. Phubbing can be a signal of unmet emotional needs - not just distraction."